How do I even begin this blogpost, friends!? As I've thought ahead to writing it since receiving this beautiful news I've wondered, "how will I begin to express all the emotions? how will put these past few weeks into words? how can I possibly communicate to everyone who has walked with us these past 4 years how much they all mean to us!?" Oh dear ones, it has felt almost impossible to form the words, but form them I shall try, with the deepest gratitude and joy in my heart.
WE ARE HAVING A BABY BOY!!!!!!!!
And right on cue the tears have begun to fall. To see those words typed there to share with you all, to have on this beloved little space of mine, to keep written down forever. Oh, it's such a gift. A precious, incredible, awe-inspiring answer to prayer gift!
This story of ours began 4 years ago, as many of you know, and these past 4 years have been full of heartache and wonderings, of pain and such beauty, of being brought low and of knowing such true satisfaction, of understanding our hearts more and coming to know the perfect character of our God in an even more intimate glorious way. Above all, these past 4 years have been about Him, our good Father. They've been about Him in the way He has changed us, in the way He has shaped us using rivers of tears and hearts that don't understand. They've been about Him in the ways He pulled back curtains to crevices and corners of our hearts that have desperately needed His grace to enter in. They've been about Him in the way He has made His truth so very alive to us and shown us how nothing, nothing will satisfy us apart from Him. They've been about Him in the way He's used them in our daughter's life, in the conversations He's allowed us to have because of her sweet 5 year old questions.. They've been about Him in the ways He's strengthened our marriage as we've walked this hard road, in the ways we've come to know and understand one another more, and the ways He's made His truth known through one of us to the other. They've been about Him in the ways He's made the bond between the three of us even sweeter, growing such a love for one another that I never knew could be. They've been about Him in the ways He allowed us to share our story, to come to know and love many others who are walking similar roads, to learn how to walk through the mountains and the valleys with others, to know what it means to bear one anothers burdens, to rejoice with precious ones and to grieve with them. They've been about Him in all the countless ways He's shown us a more intimate revealing of Himself and the way He loves us. They've been about Him because He has not wasted one single bit of these past 4 years, but has done everything in His time, has acted in perfect wisdom and love towards us, and has made beauty from ashes. They've been about Him because He is in all and above all, causing all things to work together for our good and His glory. And every bit of this rang true a month ago, before we knew of this little life growing inside of me. And with this little life growing inside of me we say, with all our hearts, "All glory to God," because none of this has been or would have been the pieces of our story apart from Him.
And precious friends, before I go any further I just want to say thank you. To just say the words doesn't seem enough to express to so many of you, literally hundreds who have prayed for us across the globe, how profoundly grateful we are for the ways you have walked with us, encouraged us, and lifted us up to our God over these past years. We have seen the body of Christ at work in the most generous, loving, and thoughtful ways in these years and just praise the Lord that He gave us one another to walk with on this earth! Thank you for being His hands and feet to us, for speaking truth, for crying with us and hoping with us, and for loving us so well. You have shown us Jesus and we are forever grateful.
And to my dear hearts who understand this road of infertility in an especially personal way. To my precious friends who have babies with Jesus, friends who are longing and praying for a little life to enter their family, who have walked this road of loss and heartache and who are still walking it. I just want you to know how dearly you are on my heart, always. I want you to know how grateful I am to have had you these past few years to link arms with and who I shall always have to link arms with to remind one another that our God is great and faithful and good even when it's painful and we do not understand His ways. I want you to know how treasured you are, how much your testimonies and words and lives have impacted my own, and how I am fervently lifting you each up to our Father, always. You have rejoiced with us and you have grieved with us and I treasure your open, vulnerable, loving souls so dearly. It is a privilege to walk with you in this life!
I am so eager to share with you all the story of how we found out about our sweet baby boy and give you all the joy-filled details about the last month of our life, but I couldn't even begin to write that post without first sharing what I have with you all. As I rub my tummy now and talk to my son (oh, how amazing it is to say that!) I tell him daily how much he has been prayed for, how many people have already had a tremendous impact on his precious life and how many people love him already. To share this news and not first take the time to let each of you know how beloved you are in our family couldn't be done. Our God is great and does great and mighty things and He has done many of those things in the past 4 years of our life through your lives!! It is a rich and humbling gift to share this news with you, to share our son with you!
We have been so humbled and overwhelmed with such gratitude in the past several weeks that the tears have flowed nearly daily. We are blown away by the work of our God. His lovingkindness to us to entrust us with this little boy, to gift us with the privilege of being his parents, to bless Anna Kate with the joy of being his big sister, to continue our story in the way that He has!? It is breath-taking to us. We stand in awe, with hearts filled to bursting!
"Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgements and how inscrutable his ways! "For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been his counselor? Or who has given a gift to him that he might be repaid?" For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen."