I was confronted with a blaring truth this morning: I am not, nor will I ever be, wonder woman. And if you had ever asked me if I thought of myself as such I would have answered with a resounding "absolutely not." But, this morning, I realized that I fancy myself being able to achieve that status. I tell myself, "okay, I got this. I'm going to bear everything for J, be completely patient with Little (oh the humility), love on everyone, make every meal magical, and do it all regardless of how much sleep I get." Then, at some point shortly thereafter, my knees buckle and the numbness sets in, the tears start to come and I get the look on my face that causes my husband to say, "honey, you're not okay. what's up."
I've seen this theme in my life, prideful people pleaser extraordinaire that I am, but I've sort of brushed it off a bit and, in doing that, I've been letting the best kind of hope slip past.
"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
The number of times I've quoted "my grace is sufficient for you...." are many, but I think I've tried to take the grace and roll it into my own sufficiency......which actually doesn't exist. And this morning, when my imagined wonder woman persona had failed me, yet again, I realized how very wonderful the fact that I am not fully sufficient. Read it: "I will BOAST all the more gladly in my weaknesses." It should be a mark of joy for me that I will never reach that wonder woman status because in my weaknesses His power is made perfect. My utter dependence on Him is evident and He is the one magnified.
A sweet friend emailed me this: ""You then, my child, be strengthened by the grace that is in Christ Jesus" -- we find our strength by RESTING in the grace He has given - the grace that says we can't (and shouldn't try to) do all of this on our own because it is simply not within us to do so! And He knows this and created and designed us in such a way as this." Those were the most loving words she could have spoken to me. I cannot do everything because it is simply not within me to do so! But the glorious "however" of it all is that God designed me that way so that my strength, my abilities, my resolve would be found only in His grace, the grace He fills every corner of my life with.
A dear friend and I were talking about how we are going to start telling each other "you're not wonder woman. you need Jesus." Having my wonder woman ideal shattered is the kindest thing that can happen, because I can cease striving and take a stronger hold of the grace I've been given. And I've been singing to myself "I need Thee every hour...." as a reminder that I get to need the One who perfectly cares for all thing.