This past week was a sanctifying one with our 4 year old ball of independence. This past weekend was especially so. Oh, there are some moments where I feel my brain might just explode from the emotions and constancy and weariness of motherhood. Never before have I seen my own selfish tendencies so clearly as I do parenting my girl. Never before have I known a relationship that fills my heart to bursting and, in the same breath, brings me to my knees in complete "i have no idea what to do"-ness.
I love my daughter more than tongue can tell (to borrow a line from 41). I want to love her well, like Jesus. And He has been hammering, gently but firmly, across my mind these past 48 hours the reminder that the place where all my growth continues is at His feet and in His Word.
Thank You for this bright, fresh day, for your mercies that are new and Your faithfulness that is great that will sustain us in whatever You hold for today.
Father, give me strength today in the constant care of my Little. Help me to always place her before myself, to give tirelessly, leaning on Your strength and not my own. Help me to love her unselfishly as You have loved me and to show her that by laying aside my desires and needs to care for her sweet self.
Give me patience, oh, Father, give me patience. Help me to not be controlled by the desire to check off my to-do list today, but to always be willing to set those things aside so that I might better care for my most precious gospel work. Help me to have patient and loving speech, whether in play or in discipline, to use all moments to teach her heart more about You, to graciously answer her many questions and to relish that curiosity that she has because it gives me endless opportunities to help her mind and heart understand and be shaped and to enjoy her.
Give me wisdom, Lord, in our days. Give me wisdom in what we commit to and what we fill our days with. Give me wisdom in balancing the desires of her little heart with the things that do need to get done that day; may I help her learn, as well, patience and unselfishness towards others. Give me wisdom in discipline, in those times when her sinful heart needs correction and guidance. Give me wisdom so that she might see You, Father, in the way that I respond to her sinful heart; may I be gentle and loving, firm and steadfast as we struggle through our sinful hearts together. Most of all, Father, give me wisdom so that I might best help her see her need for You, just as I need You, and give her precious heart hope in You, the Only One who can truly change us both.
Give me grace, Jesus, when I feel like my brain might explode because of the constancy of it all, that I instantly ask for Your help when I feel my anger and frustration ready to boil over, that I always, always focus on the memories being made more than the messes, that I enjoy dinner taking 30 minutes longer to prepare because of the little hands helping me, that I am more quick to set down my task to be creative with her, that I encourage her imagination and be just as eager to adventure as she is, that I treasure all the beautiful things that last over the things that will be gone tomorrow. Jesus, help me be more like You with every day that my bright-eyed little beauty will know more of Your love today than she did yesterday. May she know how very treasured she is, Father, not just by her daddy and me, but by the One who loves her more than we could possibly comprehend.
Thank You, Lord, for Your beautiful grace that You chose me to be mama to this beautiful heart. May I glorify You as I treasure her.