So a few weeks ago I shared this.....
"Some days it just feels as if the challenges will never end. The disobedience seems constant, words like "no" and phrases like "I not gonna do it" seem to be what I hear the most, and my responses are not at all the reflection of Jesus that they should be. On days like this I just want to throw in the towel. I feel like telling my Little, "have it your way. I'm exhausted.""
That last little sentence there? Well, the Lord has really chiseled away at my heart in regards to that often felt statement in these days, reminding and teaching me, in various ways, why that's not exactly a good mantra for parenting.
Never have I better understood the depth to which the Lord loves me than since becoming a parent. The grace He gives me, the forgiveness He grants, when I continually battle my selfish sin, my battles of wanting what I want and fighting Him because He's not giving it to me. Oh, the abundant love that the Lord has for me, that He has not said to me, "have it your way, I'm exhausted." His example to me of perfect, sacrificial, PATIENT love is an example that I want to hold tightly to every single day, and as I teach, play with, talk to, and discipline my Little, to fight to emulate.
And in the same gentle way that His love for me does not allow me to get away with my sin, but to understand and feel the consequences and the effects of it, and to see that His ways are truly higher and better than mine, so I must teach my Little. To give in to her sin, to say to her "have it your way. I'm exhausted," will not only have unhappy, awful lasting effects, it would be unloving to her. To do that would teach her the very opposite of truth. I want, most of all, for my Little to come to know Jesus and for her independent, brave, strong, thoughtful, creative, beautiful self to be used greatly by Him, just as He designed her to be. That it why I must teach her about her need for Him.
As I teach her, I share with her. I tell her about my need for Jesus and about what He does, every single day, in my life. I tell her about my struggles to obey and seek Him, about how I fight Him sometimes because I want what I think is best. And I tell her about HIs grace to me and about all He has given me, and she and her daddy top the list. He has done exceedingly beyond anything I could ask or imagine and I want that fact to spill over in every bit of what I teach her about Him.
How often I fall short. How often I do not emulate Christ's love to her and I respond to her selfishly and impatiently and without grace. How often I hold her and ask her forgiveness. How often I fall at the feet of Jesus and ask Him to help me love her better, in the way that He loves both of us. Even in those moments, as defeated as I may feel, there is gold. It comes in the form of another way to give testimony to His perfect, great, magnificent love; and that is the best thing my daughter can know. The greatest way I can be loving to my daughter is to teach her about the One who loves her best.